jack of all trades, master of none

in this city where eating-out is always a pleasurable experience, i still find myself going for my usual take-out lunch from the nearest fastfood. i come back to my desk and eat in front of my computer. it has been like this for, erm, about 3 months now. ask me why, though, and i do not have an answer. but... erm... well in the past few months that i was silent here and have not posted a single entry, i have sent out about 20 applications to all parts of the world you can imagine. 7 more applications 2 days ago and here i am still. and so i guess the main reason is that i happened to accept the fact that sometimes (or most of the time), i just have to stick with what is readily available, with what i have now. so why choose to squeeze myself into jampacked restos? why choose to continuously think of how nice a change in job and environment can be? in the end, i think it all boils down to truly accepting "you can't have it all".

**********

dunno what has gone through my mind - but at around 10:30 am today, i told beybeh that i seriously want a girlfriend - right here, right now. hehe. i am so ready for it.

having lived it for 4 years now, playing (ok fine, fooling) around is not a bit exciting anymore. it's like i've gone tired of sponge baths in a hot summer day to keep me fresh, and now wanting that sweet precious bath; like having worn leather shoes for the office, rubber for the gym, and now wanting my old pair of slippers which brings undescribable comfort. i miss waking up in the morning and then jokingly picking her nose. hehe...i miss HHWW-PSSP haha. i miss watching a movie with a girlfriend, and then ending up re-enacting some parts of the movie(huh??).. hehe...Truly, a 98m2 condo unit feels quite empty, a king size bed tad too big, a bathtub boring(??), when you live alone.

**********

sometimes i envy the nurses, the doctors, the engineers, the chefs... to me it seems that at the very least, they know where their lives are headed to; they know what they will most likely do for the rest of their lives. more importantly, i believe that they live their lives doing what they are most passionate about. they essentially just have to build on their expertise to get a truly rewarding career.

and then there are the generalists. an economics graduate like me can go to law school, work for a bank, take further studies, teach..and so on and so forth. Seriously, with such infinite options, how would I know what to do with my life? I confess that I am bad at choosing one thing and hanging-on long enough to see what's actually in it for me. You see, fresh from university i initially worked for a bank, then after 2 months hopped to an IT company, then after 10 months jumped to the biggest shipping company in the world. seriously, where am I going to?

if we were rich, i would have gone to conservatory of music. seriously. i know i have the potential; and even if in the end i do not get an awesome salary like i enjoy now, i think i would still be happy and contented each time i see my happy listeners.
**********