i am a scientist

Dear Ate Charo,

i honestly think that most people have forgotten that there are more thrills outside the walls of their respective companies and their jobs which they take so seriously; well until few days ago, i was one of them.

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i am a scientist. you see, in the past 8 months or so, i have been inventing(for the lack of better term) things which I can make myself busy with. On the first few months, i was sending sparks here and there, establishing my presence and making everyone happy with my fresh projects. But on the, ermm, i think 5th month, i realized i have run out of bright ideas. i arrived at my dreaded plateau tad too early.

i got bored (well i still am). i wanted that change in environment; that change in job. it's like wanting to take that u-turn over a big "no u-turn" street sign. i plunged so low that i cancelled my mandarin classes... i stopped working-out... i eloped on every chance of dining out with friends. i stopped living. it has been an office-apartment-office-apartment routine on the succeeding months. i busied myself wallowing; wallowing until i decided on the date when i will tender that one single sheet of shit to end the misery...

too many long lines of rather irrelevant stories more and the bottomline is - i have rebounded. much thanks to my mom who has never stopped squeezing into my brains how hard life in the philippines is right now.

i restarted to count my blessings. i decided to live again. afterall, the thought of being housed in an uberly-fancy condo, living a rather luxurious life, and getting a nice sum of money for merely being in the office 40 hours a week can actually be cool - especially when you see people here and there barely making both ends meet. so what if i do not become a sage at 23? so what if i do not skyrocket up the corporate ladder? there are more thrills to be had outside my company walls, away from this desk and PC, away from the corporate world which for some reasons I have held onto like the single source of life. stupid me.

can it be true then...? that happiness is a choice? i certainly am not happy - well not in the sense like happiness naturally radiates out of me. it's a forced one - in the sense that even after taking into consideration all the cons of my situation right now, i've got to be happy... and indeed, that's the choice i have taken...

...and so like a true scientist, i came back to inventing new things - new things to enjoy, to experience, to indulge on. i am still bored, i must admit, but this time i know better how to deal with it; more importantly, how to cope with it.

Nagmamahal,

Jaybee